This has been a terrible week for many more reasons than I can cope with. I had Chemo this week and it’s really getting to me, I feel so crap, cannot spend much time vertical at all, I don’t exactly feel sick, but I’ve got no energy, cannot find anything that I even want to eat, so kind of living on home made milkshakes which seem to go down well and Jellies which I am getting very bored of.
When you spend most of the night staggering to the toilet every 3 hours, and thus zero sleep I suppose anything that can be eaten is good.
I have lost so much weight, kind of good but I suppose timing could get better though, have not got the energy to swallow anything larger than liquids which are not to filling, the hospital has given me some small Protein Shakes but they taste horrible and I am finding them very hard to swallow at all.
Besides all this I am feeling really low at the moment, I basically miss radio, I had some hopes on getting a newborn radio to at least listen to whilst I’m not my best, but things have gone very quiet and it looks as though I need to start looking again.
I suppose It would not get to me so much but when you have not earned anything now for ages and living somewhere that you get no help at all, your debts seem to get worse and inly moths appear in the empty space that was once your bank account.
Im just feeling very low, not had a break in ages and really ready to give up, the next part if I go with it will be the worst worst, still not worked out how I can even afford to stay in Liverpool let alone transportation and food, I just cant deal with any of this at the moment, I had to sell a few bits of camera gear this week which I was not at all happy with, selling lenses that I will never be able to replace for a sixth of what they are worth because the pricks buying from you see your in a bad way and just take advantages, just seem to be getting rid if more stuff than I wish I was not.
So pissed off with me, others, being let down, feeling very alone and it seems things are just getting worse.
Not sure if its even worth carrying on.