This isn’t good….

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Not good again today, been feeling bad all night, kept waking to go to the toilet from around 3am and at least every two hours or so, still not been sick but cannot shift the feeling that I want to, and this is the worst bit, it really takes it out of me, I think if I could get rid of the feeling I would cope a lot more than I am.

I finally woke up for good at 6am, basically could not cope with lying down, although this was replaced with lying down in front of the TV in the long with the occasional cat trying me out for comfort, sometimes tolerable and other time evicted when it got too painful.

I feel worse.

Just very sick feeling, no energy, I even put off writing this till midday as could not face sitting upright, my breakfast consisted of a Jelly, 2 Ginger Nut Biscuits (apparently good if you feel sick) and sips of squash. Everything tastes horrible, you hear about what Covid does to you, I kind of understand what it must be like, the meds I can understand, but things I like have changed dramatically, even orange flavoured jelly’s taste burnt.

Sue kindly popped down to the chemist to change the foul tasting medicine to tablets which at least meant that I did not have to put up with that taste in my mouth for ages, she came back with some packets of sugar free sweets to help me lubricant my mouth and thankfully the liquorice drops taste right, this is about the first time anything has. 

As the day went on the worst I feel, I am trying to eat, but its hard, things taste wrong and I feel like I so need to puke, its not a nice feeling at all, and nothing like being drunk after a night on the town, this is so much worse, my whole body feel sick, I cannot get into a position where I am comfortable and every time I move I retch.

I had some Flake Ice Cream tonight which gave me about 10 minutes of relief but not much after that.

I finally put a call into Clatterbridge telephone support for cancer patients which was good, they in the end though said that I am not yet in a at risk category and my best bet it to phone my doctor in the morning to see if they can give me anything more potent to get rid of this feeling.

It’s not 1am and I cannot get to sleep, cannot get comfortable at all, feeling so crap, really don’t know how much more I can take, it worries me this is just the first lot of Chemo, I already feel like giving up.

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