Cancer Update

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Cancer Update

Loads seem to be asking why all the ‘Doom and Gloom’, but I am not in a too good a place at present, I have been giving rather bad news, since then I have found it hard to stay awake and are now only awake for a few hours in a day, hopefully this will sort itself out.

In the meantime, I will try and let you known what the state of play is.

I am basically ‘F&$£ed’, I have been told that I will basically be ‘Dead’ by Christmas…

I was given the All-Clear 1 year ago, I have now been told that I am terminal, I have a tumour now at the back of my throat that cannot be surgically removed because of the position, I already have issues swallowing anything, not that I can handle food, still no saliva glands.

I was hoping that there would be a solution but alas I will not see out the year, I am trying to cope, the hardest thing that I have is sorting out all the radio junk, Elaine and Sue would have no idea what stuff is worth, so here I am trying to get stuff in boxes where I can and get this sorted, I have so many items here that I need to make sure will get to where I think they should go, before a certain few on the Island here try to get their mits on it.

The problem is that I am letting it get to me, thus wanting to sleep all day, I do not feel up to doing much, I have though just pulled a load of empty boxes down from the loft, so I am in a bit of a mess at the moment, Seeing radios like my Icom IC-775DSP brings back memories of Harry Using it at the Manx National Heritage events that we did every year, they were only small events and you would see the same 6 or 7 people attending it, but we had some good laughs and a few people and explaining what the going’s on was to people asking, These were good times.

Icom IC-775DSP - First Time Switched on Since 2014

Tynwald was another good event, well it was until a certain idiot decided to get rid of the Mast, which basically left the club without a suitable mast, and whatever others say, this turned the club into just a tea and coffee meeting.

I have a lot of anger towards the IOMARS, they have alienated all the elder members, and it is basically one big joke nowadays compared to what it once was, it only took a few to ruin it, but trying to steer away from the anger, there has been a few people on the island that I would call friends, and some that seem to have fallen off the planet, Ralf Furness (GD4IHC) being one, I always liked chatting with him but have not seen or heard from him since poor old Mike Johns (GD4WBY) Passed away, well we all end up the same way in the end.

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Trying to put stuff in boxes and label it all up so that the girls know what I feel they are worth so that if anyone asks, they won’t get ripped off. But it is the actually boxing stuff that is getting to me, even the small stuff that I did once use, I still have a lot of stuff that was not ever used, such as the Hytera repeater that I suppose I should just box up and send it back to Hytera, but there is a lot of gear that does mean a great deal to me, some of it carries a lot of memories, such as gear that I was sent or stuff I have been given such as Harry Blackburn’s (MD0HEB) old radio or the many hand portable radios that I have of his, or recent acquisitions such as the sweet FT-101ZD Mark III kit and the beautiful mint FT-ONE radio, everything has a memory attached, some of them are memories that still hurt.

Yaesu FT-ONE in the workshop.

So, trying to cope with being told the inevitable is going to happen is one thing, but then boxing equipment up is another thing entirely.

It is strange because I have come to a stage where I know it is going to happen, I know I have to make things easier for them selling then equipment on, but the actual boxing of the gear is taking a little too long, I have not boxed a single piece of kit up yet, I have filled up the fire escape with loads of empty boxes, and I think that will be just small amount of the gear that I have here, I think I could open a shop of the size of Martin Lynch, and it is not just the Ham Radio Gear, I have all my photography gear and then also the Retro Computer gear, I have an attic filled with 8-bit and 16-bit computers, along with boxes of paperwork from when Corby was shut down, it certainly make a fan of Commodore very happy, But I managed to pick up a few Atari ST’s. BBC B’s and Archimedes as well as a load of Amiga’s, I know that I dumped a load of Amiga CDTV’s when we moved over because there was no more room in the van, that has pissed me off since, I keep coming across retail boxes of CDTV’s only to find that they are filled with books, very disappointing, but the long and the short of all this is that I have a load of stuff that I have to sort out.

The thing that really pisses me off is the lack of support that you get, I have worked for all of my life, I have had some good jobs, I was high up in Cisco Support and now I cannot remember how to even log into the enable mode of a router, I recently had to setup a 4 router setup with VLAN Load balancing Tunnels and it took me days to create it, whereas not to long back I was doing this in minutes, To pass the long days of sleepiness I have started watching various TV Series such as Star Wars the Bad Batch, Mandalorian, Star Trek Picard, or new release films such as the New Release of Dune, all of these are great but I won’t see the ending, that is such a bummer . and I hate that this thing has got in the way of watching these episodes and films, just my luck eh, So much to do, and yet I feel OK, bloody tired and I could so sleep all day, I just cannot stay awake, and it is so effecting what I do every day, I even tried downloading some of the 3D software that I used to use such as Newtek LightWave 3D which has changed a lot since I last used it when it was version 7.5, I then tried Maya which thankfully still was the same, I then tried my old favourite which was Softimage|3D and later Softimage XSI, I still cannot understand why this got cut, it was beautiful to use, and then I finally downloaded Cinema 4D, I love just how simple this software is, it is almost too simple, it gave me a rest bite from the tasks that I have to do and something a little more near to home but then I just find myself staring at the screen, falling asleep. And with no motivation or drive to do much else.

It is like having a Loud beating drum, Pounding out a beat, I know that it is there but I do not know how long it will beat its drum, but it still beats Loud and Strong, always the same beat, never ending….

Now I yern for quite…

Last Updated : 23rd May 2023

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