Had Enough

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Im getting very depressed with all this, was rushed to hospital in Liverpool, the effects of Radiotherapy after just the first week taking its toll, cannot swallow, cannot drink anything, being too painful to swallow anything, and even taking fluids by the PEG Feeding tube makes me want to throw up, really not having a good time, the whole week leading up to this has been fun (Not), to lay down on the table I need to take a cocktail of diaspam and Morphine and even then its been really hard to stay still, im not sure if they give you a double dose on Friday but the inside of my throat has now gone completely raw and hurts with every movement. just breathing really hurts, cannot eat or drink. I spent all weekend in bed and cannot even get mobile, even typing this out has taken a good couple of hours, cannot focus, after calling out a 111 doctor, he instantly called an ambulance and I was carted off to a hospital in Liverpool, been now waiting in a corridor for the last 5 hours and still not worked out where I am. I have already had enough, I was told by the consultants just how bad this will get, I was told that by the 4-5th week this would get unbearable and it would be a struggle to even breathe, so now im worried, because by the end of the first week I already have these symptoms, it really F&€king hurts so much, and its just the first week, I cannot have IV Morphine at the hotel, and OralMorph is basically watered down junk, the pain when trying to swallow is indescribable, and on top of all this is the nausea, which just makes everything worse, im not joking when I say I am ready to give up, so far there has not really been any help, this is costing me too much and I honestly don’t know how much more I can take, this is so not fun.

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