Updates – Cancer, Data, Morse Keys, and a Pen.
Cancer Update.
Well, I had my last Immunotherapy this week, and up until this week it has been Okay, certainly a lot better on the body than Chemotherapy, and not as instantly damaging as Radiotherapy. I am not sure if this was a different dosage than the rest but for the first time in ages now I was violently sick, this happened 3 days after my last treatment and I am not blaming the Immunotherapy, I was out in the loverly sun that we have had trying to sort out a problem with a balun for my 80m dipole, more on this later. So, what happens now? I am off to Liverpool to visit my consultant; he insisted face to face meeting so it must be bad news. Although the throat Cancer up until this point seems to be kept at bay, it may not have vanished, and the problems that were caused by the radiotherapy are still with me, I still cannot eat much, and drinking is still only at the sipping level, and the biggest issue has been the total lack of taste buds, with nearly everything tasting of cardboard, throat cancer is not fun, and has more side effects than a lot of other cancers, I have not had a proper meal now in 3 years and will most probably be the same for the next 30 years, if I was able to live this long, which I very much doubt.
I am still very happy that I am here, I just wish that I could have not lost what I have, It makes each day a real challenge, without setting myself little challenges I could quite happily just lay in bed and rot away to nothing. The Immunotherapy may be killing this Cancer that I have, but over the last 3+ years I have lost so much, I wish that I could get the things I have lost, back. The biggest thing that I have to fight against now is not exactly the Cancer itself, it is the depression that is brings along with it, I wish that I could enjoy life again, wake up happy and not have the constant thoughts of Cancer on your shoulders, I would love to go on a holiday, I would like to create a ‘Bucket List’ and be able to knock off little challenges again, Having this Cancer has so not been fun at all, for anyone reading this (I am sorry to them), I hope that if you get Cancer you do not loose what I have, I would rather go to Ukraine and fight for something worthwhile and even loose my life doing something of worth for a people that are being ignored the world. At least then I could dye feeling that I had achieved something.
Try not eating for three years, feeling dead inside and still having to wake up and go through the motions, I wish I could do the simple things such as drinking a whole cup of coffee, or just eating a Nice Burger, a Pizza, or a great Steak Dinner, I have this tube into my stomach that each day I get a liquid syringed into me that is keeping me alive, this is the nearest thing to ‘Food’ that I get, I so want to just cut this off and end it all, but there are those around me that are constantly making it an impossible option, I spend some days inside and not wanting to venture out into the sun, living in the Isle of Man means that it rains a lot, so thankfully that choice is taken away from me, I hide my true feeling regarding my own thoughts from others most of the time, sometimes I can be happy, sometimes I find something to do that does make me happy, and I so wish that this would be every day and for the entire day. Depression is a big weight on my shoulders, without Cancer life can be challenging for some, with Cancer and all that it drags along with it and those that get affected around me, i.e. my Carer’, My Partner, and Friends, it affects these a lot more than it does me, I am just fed up with it all, I would basically give away all that I own for the ability of just eating a nice Burger and being able to taste it, enjoying what is so easy for anyone normal, but being abnormal, having a cancer that has destroyed my throat, teeth, taste buds and Saliva glands, I cannot even enjoy a nice cup of coffee or a good Brandy, I have just had the thought of eating a Nice Doner Kabab with a Hot Chilli Sauce pop into my head for some reason, I do miss food so much, Cancer may be what kills you but I died about 3 years ago when the treatment for cancer took so much from me.
Windows 11 and iPhone 16’s
Why is nothing so simple as using a Mac?
I wanted this morning to use the PC, I was looking at the recent photos on my phone and thinking I could do with exporting a couple to this website, something that is so simple on the Mac, but I was stuck on the PC this morning moving and deleting files so I though I would just copy an image from the phone to the PC – Yeh Right!
What a load of Crap Windows is, I used to be always Pro Windows in the past, but I have been spoilt so much of late, I found the photo that I wanted but then I hit a brick wall trying to get it to the PC, I went into the ‘iCloud Photo’ App and then found that for some reason the software tries to load each image every time you select one or resort the order of the files, and then when you do sort them into date order, the windows software is so slow that you get the standard green bar showing you that it is loading or doing something, why is it so bloody slow at doing something or anything? And then when you look at the images that are supposedly sorted into date order but when the images finally load you see photos that were taken years ago next to the odd photo that was taken this week, so no you cannot be sorting the images into date order.
And when you finally locate the photo that you wanted and select it (Big Mistake), the dreaded green progress bar appears and you cannot do anything, it took well over 10 minutes to finally allow me to select the image and try and copy it to the folder, in which time I hade gone to the other end of my small workshop, switched on the Mac Opened the Photos App and Exported the image that I wanted with the files sorted into the proper looking Date Order, I had saved the file to the NAS Box and then added it to the website and then glancing back to the PC it was still doing something or whatever thanks to shitty and slow Windows 11.
Monitor Wow’s
Being that I mainly use a Mac these days, mainly down to me not able to work and also that they are so much easier to just get the job done, when you need it, there are a few things that really annoy me, the NATIVE Mac resolution is 2160p, but when you look for a replacement for the old Mac Studio Monitor which is bloody great, except that it does not have enough screen to put everything onto it, it really soon becomes really annoying, so I am looking for what seems to be an Ultrawide monitor, but there are a load to look at these days, the trap being that a lot are labelled 4K, but then when you check out the resolution the seems to be a common issue in that they mostly are 1440p which is not good as a Main mac monitor because of the scaling, I was looking at the Samsing range and there is a real beauty of a monitor topping out at 57” But the cost and physical size makes this impossible.
Now everywhere on YouTube you can see the latest 49” Monitor from LG, but it is still only a 1440p, really getting to annoy me now, I can get a load which are 32” but you do not really get much space, it is just bigger, great for my failing eyesight, but I do not really want to have a dual monitor setup, and this would not only break the bank but also require me to update the monitor arms that I presently use and enjoy.
LG have though come out with something rather perfect for Mac users that need space, it is the 45” 45GX950A-B which when you check out YouTube seems perfect for my needs, but, you try to get one, it is impossible, and then there is the cost! Very depressing…
The Fun with an Old Fountain Pen.
The only thing that I have here of my Dad’s is an old Wooden Tool Chest made from some sort of Large Ammo Box, I try not to touch it, it has 3 large wooden trays within it which I occasionally when my health is good and I can get to it, I carefully lift out each of the trays and give it a fine spray of oil to keep everything within it sweet and far from rusty.
The last person that removed tools or did anything really with it was my dad, and because of that I really do not want to do anything with it, it means so much to me to just look at the tools that he once used when he was at Gravatom in Gosport, and when he left there the box was returned to the Garage at Rothesay Road where he sadly passed and left a really big hole in my heart that I still gets to me every time that I think of him, Not being there at his funeral was the largest retch to me, anyway…
I had to do some research here, especially as I have not used a fountain pen in many years, and especially as these days everything is e-mails or WhatsApp these days.
The pen seems to have some ink in it still, but the feed seems to be the main issue here, I tried running under a hot tap to see if this would help but I did not get much joy here, I did manage to get a few inky colour smudge marks out of the pen but no actual writing, I started to look at the markings on the pen, but besides some intelligible scribbles on the gold bits and the white flower on the pens lid there is not a makers mark, but after doing a search on the internet I found the mark which that of a company called Montblanc, so I managed to locate there website and dropped them an e-mail explaining that I was basically a newbie and was really happy to find them incredibly helpful.
Being my dad’s old Fountain Pen, especially as after a very quick clean, it is a beautiful old fountain pen that feels lovely to hold and is about the size and shape of a large cigar, with a bit of help and a magnifying glass I found out that it was an original Montblanc Meisterstück 149 that was manufactured in 1950. I can just about remember him using this pen, but I was around 9 or 10 when I can remember him tossing this into the top of this old Toolbox when he was trying to repair his old Morris Traveler 1000.
Although I am writing about this now I have been working on this over the last 6 months, I have been trying to get the pen writing again, I’ve tried various things such as liquid cleaner that was recommended by Montblanc and a load that was found with the help of Dr. Google, YouTube and recommendations, the only thing not tried yet is using a small Ultrasonic Cleaner, I have a large one that I would normally use on Radio and Rf Amplifier Chassis and Parts, I may just try and get one from FleaBay as I just cannot remember where I have put mine at present, it’s bloody huge but this place eats anything that I have that I want, it normally eats Tape Measures, Stanley Knifes, Pens, Levels, Chainsaws and Chainsaw Oil to name a few things that over the last years I have had to replace because I cannot locate where is was put! I know that this sounds bad, but it happens when you live in a Building Site, especially when I have not been able to progress with any work since. I just do not know if this will work, Montblanc has recommended a company that will take good care of it and Service it but I am just worried about sending it away just in case it becomes lost, to me it is irreplaceable, it might as well be the rarest thing on the planet, I cannot afford another after finding out what they cost now.
I will carry on trying to fix this pen as 1. It means so much to me, and 2. This is the first thing I have enjoyed in ages now.
3D and VFX Files!
I have started to run out of space again on the many NAS RAID’s that I have here and as I am supposedly retired now I thought that I should start clearing down all the Data that I have accumulated over the years, I have always had ‘NAS Boxes’ as I call them, and still have some of the earliest ones that I have purchased which were 4 x 1Tb in size all the way up to the racks that I have downstairs now that 98Tb in each of the RAID Boxes, it’s a lot of space (and Data) that is not being used at all these days. Most of the space is used up by the software packages that I used to and very occasionally these days may still on the odd day to create a graphic or two, I started to go through all the files that I am going to start deleting after a final check-through, but it all mounts up:
Adobe Photoshop – 21Tb
Plugins, Action Scripts, Brushes, Tutorials and Work Files.
Adobe After Effects – 16Tb
Plugins, Templates, VideoHive Templates, LUTs, Camera Config Data, Tutorials and Work Files.
Autodesk Maya – 32Tb
Plugins, Scripts, Tutorials and Work Files.
Autodesk Flame – 8Tb
Plugins, Scripts, Tutorials and Work Files.
Blackmagic DaVinci Resolve & Fusion – 15Tb
Plugins, Templates, Tutorials and Work Files.
Maxon Cinema 4D, Z-Brush, etc – 61Tb
Plugins, Model Packs, Texture Packs, Library Data, Tutorials and Work Files.
LightWave 3D – 7Tb
Plugins, Scripts, Tutorials and Work Files.
Blender – 5Tb
Plugins, Scripts, Tutorials and Work Files.
That is all the main culprits and if I clear out all of this stuff (even though a lot of it could not be replaced now), it would be possible to switch off 3 of the NAS Boxes and would reduce the electric bill a little. There other items of software that I will need to ditch as well such as Textures for the Substance Range of Software, I have well over 8Tb of Cisco Firmware, Updates, Factory Software and Configs (and Yes also Work Files), and well as tons of stuff for AVID, CheckPoint, MineSweeper, Marshall, Dragon, Lucent, the list goes on and none of this I will ever use again so I really do not know why I am keeping any of it.
I need to go through and see if there is anything else that I could do with keeping just in case I do ever bounce back and want to work, cannot see that helping especially as most days I am in too much pain to even want to get out of bed.
Morse Keys
I have a good friend here that sometimes let me have some good gear off him, this time I basically got gifted a really nice Morse Key and along with it some old keys to add to my collection, All I need to do now is get a radio setup, and to do that I need to be able to sort out what I call my workshop, for this my health needs to get much better. The old Vibroplex Key really need a good clean and polish, I wanted these old bug style keys to get a visual reference of an old hi-mound key that I have which has lost a lot of its old parts, I would like to restore it and get it working again as it would have been when it was first manufactured, yet another project for the future.
I have never been a CW operator as such, I used it in the past but voice was always the easiest option, I got back into it with the help of Godfrey (GD4EIP) who got me back into it but when left to my own devices I chickened out somewhat but I really want to get the drive to not being scared and use it as my main data mode. I got into RTTY with some of the old equipment that I have collected over the years, and at one point I found it really rewarding, there is an easy option which was using Ham Radio Deluxe and Macros, etc, but I have never enjoyed this, to me it is just hitting keys and going through the motion with very little interaction with the many operator that you are making a contact with. To me now especially, I try to make using the radio as manual as possible, I have been luckier than a lot of people in that I have ‘Collected’ a lot of equipment, Drake, Collins, Heathkit, KW Electronics to name just a few here, and I have used every one that I can, I still have a load that I need to restore, recalibrate and find replacement parts for a lot of it before I can use them, with some waiting on me getting suitable test equipment before I can happily use the gear. I am kind of heading sideways a little here from the original subject, but it is all an experience for me, Radio has now become just Operators and Appliances, especially when you look at videos on YouTube with people switching on a PC, Starting up a piece of software and then returning home from what ever they do and stating that they contacted all those countries that had been contacted, but they have not, it is just a computer that has made the contact, there is no skill in using FT8, and to a certain extent, there is no real skill on using any Data Mode if you are relying on a computer and hitting function keys to kick off different Macros, I have done this myself, and even when using RTTY I have set off a Macro for the start of the call, but then I used to switch to manually typing out the QSO on a keyboard but not on a computer, but on a Teleprinter, a device that looks like a large Typewriter but is actually just one part of a Manual Interface for sending (and receiving) RTTY, there is so much enjoyment to be had by restoring these old bits of kit using test equipment that was used back in those days and then operating the equipment, it’s a dying hobby, no one will care about all this within another generation or so, they will go out and spend way too much money on equipment that they did not make, they just about know how to switch it on and most wont of even read the manual through from start to finish, its an appliance and all that they do is press buttons, gone are the days where you by a few valves and make a radio, then refine it and basically end up building the likes of a Collins radio, not that I can do that myself now, my head is no longer in the game, but I will always have a good go.
Morse Code (CW) to me is something very challenging, First you have to re-learn the alphabet, then you have to get your fingers working, you have to get over a mental block which will allow you to be able to receive CW at around 10-12 Words Per Minute, anyone can send CW, there is no real skill in that, well maybe if you use a Bug key, but getting your brain to decipher these strange tones is a real challenge, yes there is software that you can use, and keyers like the modern day microHAM devices that will make the sending and receiving of CW a lot easier for most, but baring these old modes back to there most basic form and making a contact is ‘So Much Fun’ and I cannot recommend it more, especially if you have built or restored an old radio, and then use all this old gear along with a beautiful Morse Key. I still use a computer for logging the QSO but try my best to not use the computer for making the QSO itself. I will one day feel really happy about sending CW with a Straight Key, but as I have mentioned here, life is becoming a role of just pressing buttons and going through the motions, it is a hobby and we get what we want from it, for me, I love the challenge of throwing a spanner in the works and making as much of the process and manual and hands on as I can, right back to looking at something and then trying to understand why they used a certain component, what is a filter in its most raw form and why does it do what it states on the tin, Morse Code is the same, especially when you look at this key that we use for sending a message, Look at a beautiful Begali, Schurr or even the Superb AGA Chevron and what has gone into creating these beautiful keys that we now use, and hunting them down and adding them to a collection like I have been lucky enough to do, we are all just the custodians of these bits of equipment that we collect (or hoard), I find some old keys that we are lucky enough to come across, really need to be cleaned, polished and put away in a beautiful old cabinet, some are just way to beautiful to use, they need to be admired, god I am sad!
Last Updated : 28th May 2025
